So.... it's been awhile. So much has changed- now I'm a single mom raising two boys far from blood family, but very close to my dearest friends. I'm not going to rehash the past four years, it doesn't do anyone any good. It happened, I'm trying to move on, life continues.
I just finished my third year as the director of Vacation Bible School at church. I'm exhausted but there's something about this week that renews my faith every year. Maybe it's the innocent faith of the children I'm around. Maybe it's the dedicated youth that share their time to serve others. Maybe it's the fact I get to be a goofy kid again myself. Either way I always come off the week recharged.
Once again our main theme was trusting God. God guides, provides, saves, and never leaves us so we have to trust God. My decision to reestablish my life in Virginia after the divorce was not one I took lightly. There were so many things I carefully weighed out before making that decision and I'm happy with it. Why didn't I move back? Life would have been easier with family around to help right? But that's not what I was called to do. My place is here. I've cast my anchor here. I'm trusting God who brought me here in the first place, well God and the US Navy.
I have a love of anchors. I couldn't really tell you why exactly, the lore behind them is fascinating and the connection to faith is powerful. It has nothing to do with the Navy either. My first tattoo was an anchor with the word 'hope' in the shank. Hebrews 6:19 "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." My hope is built on my faith, I don't know what's coming next but I'm taking the first step because I believe God isn't going to leave me here to flounder. He has plans for me, for the boys, and I don't need to know the final result to know that I'm not alone in the journey.
Anyone who sails can tell you that anchors have several purposes. Yes if you drop an anchor to the bottom it will keep you from drifiting. In stormy weather you drop more than one to help secure your position. But you can't remain so immovable that your ship gets destroyed by the storm. You must move with the waves, the big ones, the little ones. You'll get wet, a little battered even, but by moving with the storm you save yourself. Sometimes I forget this lesson and dig in my anchors so deeply that I can't be moved: stubborn, immovable, and getting destroyed. It takes hitting rock bottom sometimes to remember though that God has been my rock all through the storm- he has my anchor held tight- he just needs me to move with the waves.
Another use of anchors is just to slow you down, you're ok to move with the currents of the water but you really don't want to lose control of your ship. I tend to run headfirst into a situation- charge of the light brigade level- I attack full speed then quickly realize I can't handle what's actually going on, or I move on too quickly with out resolving what I really need to learn. My anchors help me slow down and stay on course.
I'm not going to sink, I'm going to stay the course. "I am the master of my ship, I am the captain of my soul." (Invictus, Henley). I know my anchors will hold because I have them anchored in Christ. He will not fail me, he never has despite the fact I fail him daily. That's love beyond all fathomable understanding, and I'm so blessed to have it.
